a boy i admired for several years transcended. used to work together. i was convinced i loved him. quietly. secretly. silence. shhh. dont tell. whispers in that world which only exists in my mind. late to work so he could walk me to class. i was 18. he was a man. huge to me. walks together to train stations after work. off at the same time. stealing glances. watching the clock. once he gave me a simple goodbye kiss on my cheek. it left me frozen. i watched him walk away. couldnt move. feet stuck. jaw locked. a chill. he was beautiful. he smelled beautiful. he felt beautiful. he talked beautiful. he moved beautiful. how profoundly the simplest and most brief encounters/moments/people can travel, touch and move. a do-gooder. he. hippie. hypnotic. hispanic. headed north. a hymn for him. mythical. he had to leave. follow the star. said he was coming back to free us all. but alas, lost in the labyrinth of life, the south became a memory. less clear. more fuzz. nonexistent. gone. i wrote a letter to him that he never came back to get. i threw it away after a few years and rewrote it on my heart instead. still waiting to give it to him one day. people pass. angels. innocent. young. healthy. all. it. sad and complex. realizing fragileness. work to do. the passed has gone. there are tears for ourselves. for future. for anticipation. for the uncertainty of everything around us. left behind, we too will surely yield to last. wonder. wander. secretly. silence. shhh. whisper in that world which only exists in the mind.
r.i.p. steve
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